Le Pique-Nique, Part Deux

On our trip to Europe in September we rented a car which marked the first time either of us had been there with wheels.  It changed the whole feel of the trip to not be beholden to train schedules.  Freedom!  (Remember Freedom Fries? Oh my.)

So we got ourselves a sweet Renault Picasso, which I have to believe is the PT Cruiser of France.  Not stylish in the least.  But we enjoyed the new luxury of being able to leave our un-necessary items in the car instead of packing our hotel rooms.  And we also enjoyed having a ready-to-go picnic in the back seat.  Good sweet JESUS the French know how to picnic.  Good bread, good cheese, a ripe piece or two of fruit, a selection of cured meats, some assorted olives (anchovy stuffed goodness), and once in a while a bottle of Rose.  Happy travelers?  Yes we were.

We have several great picnic memories.  On the banks of Lake Geneva, high in the Italian Alps, on a public beach prior to checking into our swanky hotel in Cannes....all good.  But the one that sticks out most in my mind was our last of the trip, on the day we made our way to Versailles and back to Paris to fly home.  We saw a roadside sign for a "Parc Floral" and decided to make it our lunch stop.  In keeping with some sort of really really good kismet/mojo/karma we were granted on this trip, it was gorgeous; one of the top places we'd seen.  And we were there a good month past the garden's prime.  Still amazing.

Setting up le pique-nique.

Carter relaxing while I was checking out the rose garden.  They had these loungers all over.  The picture would've been funnier had he been about three feet to the left.  Yes, I've been living with 

three boys for too long.  

 Ahh...this is what I pictured every dreary day this winter to lift my spirits.  This and those olives.  

Dahlia garden.  Amazing.

We returned home with lightened spirits and a renewed wish to travel more.  I personally returned home with a desire to have more picnics.  And to make something resembling those splendid baguettes we bought in France.  I had some pretty spectacular fails before I came across the King Arthur website. They brought in the concept of a starter that had to set overnight.  It was different than all the other recipes I looked at or tried.  And it was better.  Original recipe here.  

Baguettes

STARTER

1/2 cup cool water

1/16 teaspoon active dry yeast or instant yeast

1 cup Unbleached Bread Flour

DOUGH

1 teaspoon active dry yeast 

1 cup to 1 1/4 cups lukewarm water

all of the starter

3 1/2 cups Unbleached Bread Flour

1 1/2 to 2 teaspoons salt, to taste

Directions

1) Make the starter by mixing the yeast with the water (no need to do this if you're using instant yeast), then mixing in the flour to make a soft dough. Cover and let rest at room temperature for about 14 hours; overnight works well. 

2) Mix yeast with the water, then combine with the starter, flour, and salt.  Mix and knead everything together—by hand, mixer or bread machine set on the dough cycle—till you've made a soft, somewhat smooth dough; it should be cohesive, but the surface may still be a bit rough. Knead for about 5 minutes on speed 2 of a stand mixer.

3) Leave the dough in the bowl of a stand mixer or place in a lightly greased medium-size bowl, cover the bowl, and let the dough rise for 3 hours, gently deflating it and turning it over after 1 hour, and then again after 2 hours.

4) Turn the dough out onto a lightly greased work surface. Divide it into three equal pieces.

5) Shape each piece into a rough, slightly flattened oval, cover with greased plastic wrap, and let them rest for 15 minutes.

6) Working with one piece of dough at a time, fold the dough in half lengthwise, and seal the edges with the heel of your hand. Flatten it slightly, and fold and seal again.

7) With the seam-side down, cup your fingers and gently roll the dough into a 15" log. Place the logs  onto a lightly greased or parchment-lined sheet pan or pans.

8) Cover them with a cover or lightly greased plastic wrap, and allow the loaves to rise till they've become very puffy, about 1 1/2 hours.

9) Towards the end of the rising time, preheat your oven to 450°F

10) Using a very sharp knife held at about a 45° angle, make three 8" vertical slashes in each baguette. Spritz the baguettes heavily with warm water; this will help them develop a crisp crust.

11) Bake the baguettes until they're a very deep golden brown, 25 to 30 minutes. Remove them from the oven and cool on a rack. Or, for the very crispiest baguettes, turn off the oven, crack it open about 2", and allow the baguettes to cool in the oven.

Yield: Three 16" baguettes.

 Not so sure about this...

 Feeling more sure.

Ooh la la Sassoon.  Still not as good as the French, but I'm gaining.  Now I just need 

re-access to all that cheese.  

Orange roses on my beautiful new tray (thanks Beanie and Puff!). The end.  

The International Signal for Bread

Long, long ago, my friends and I were having a conversation about international signals: the signs that are easily translated between countries and cultures.  OK, it was probably a drinking game in college, but let's just go with it.  We'd already covered choking - the hands gripped around the neck, and stop - a firm hand raised in front of your body.  Next we did crazy - the pointer finger circle motion next to one's ear.  We were all still aboard.  

Then, my dear friend J said, "Well, then, there's the international signal for bread."  For WHAT NOW?  I don't know if I was there for the actual occurrence or just one of the (hundred) re-tellings, but I recall everyone absolutely busting up asking her to, please for the love of GOD, show us the international signal for bread.  

One of the things I love the most about my friend is that she never shies from retelling a good story, even if it's about her.  And even if it's years and years later.  Kind of a great quality about a person, no?  

So J was, and, as far as I know, is still probably game to demonstrate the international signal for bread.  And here's what it is:  a raised hand doing an abbreviated twist of a lightbulb.  To her, it's signaling the waiter you'd like your bread basket to be replenished.  To everyone else she's ever showed it to, it is pure comedy.  I still crack up thinking of her sincerely twisting that arm in the air, looking for more ciabatta rolls.  

I thought of my dear friend today as I baked a new recipe for Italian bread.  I was home alone and I have to admit I twisted my hand in the air a couple times.   

The recipe, from Cooking Light, is here.  I made it two times to test it and ended up with four loaves.  I gave one to my mail carrier, Mr. Jim (for years the boys thought everyone in a USPS truck was Mr. Jim), one to my neighbor whose apple branches I probably cut for a bouquet last week, one to my friend Angie who just deserved it, and kept one for dinner tonight.  

Rolling out the dough and trying to approximate a rectangle.  Total fail.  

I had no idea what I was doing and yet...

After that dough was rolled.  Look at that pan, do you think we make pizzas, much?

Still don't know what I'm doing, but the dough raised and I made some mean cuts.  

And then did a less mean egg-wash. 

Whoot.  I got four of these.  They're not worthy of a baguette, but I'm getting there.  

The recipe title, "Chewy Italian Bread" is perfect.  This is a Crowdpleaser bread for sure.  

Return your carts to the cart corral,

XO

Blame the Kardashians. And Best Coffee Cake.

Carter has taken to blaming the world's problems on the Kardashians.  Kim, in particular.  I count myself among the zillions who want an explanation as to why they're famous, but he takes it a step further.  Republican presidential candidates?  European debt crisis?  Taliban?  He blames the Kardashians for all of it.  It's hard, yet funny, to watch the news with him because he just shakes his head and mutters, "Kardashian" after every segment.  


Have you seen this?  The SNL Kardashians are almost as good as Bill Hader cracking himself up as Stefon.  


Anyway, the coffee cake my friend Lena brought over on Easter is the Anti-Kardashian.  We made it for the first time this weekend and I can say with certainty it's going to be a regular in the rotation.



Easiest Coffee Cake
1/2 c brown sugar
1 c sugar
2/3 c butter

Cream above ingredients

Add 2 beaten eggs

In a separate bowl sift together:
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon

Alternate adding dry ingredients and 1 cup plain yogurt to butter/ sugar mixture

Pour in a greased 9x13 pan

Batter - thick but don't be alarmed.

Topping:
1/2 c brown sugar
3/4 c chopped pecans
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 

With crumbly topping.  Who doesn't love a crumbly topping?

Sprinkle topping over batter, cover and refrigerate overnight .

Bake at 350 for 35 minutes.

My dainty portion.  One of several dainty portions.

So that's the recipe from Lena.  Here are my confessions:  I didn't sift the dry ingredients because I gave my flour sifter to Goodwill, and I didn't alternate the dry ingredients with the yogurt because it all gets mixed together in the end anyway.  I also used Greek Yogurt because it was all we had.  I think it turned out jussssssst fine.  We ate an embarrassing amount of this delight this morning.  Plus fruit, though, so it was kind of a wash.  So easy and so good.  This is going to be a staple for holidays and brunches.  It's almost worth making just for the way it will make your house smell.  Crowdpleaser for sure.  


I'm not sure why it needs to sit overnight; maybe that will be my next experiment.  Anyway, I had plenty of time to bake this morning seeing as my day began at 5:45 a.m. when I woke up to both the infernal birds in the aviary that is our yard AND a thunderstorm.  Both.  My morning greeting to my beloved was, "Are you effing kidding me?  I can take the birds or the rain but not both."  His response?  "KarDASHian."

Greetings Feline + Dark Chocolate Banana Muffins

I was watching a show called "Happy Endings" a few weeks ago and found it pretty entertaining.  Not sure when it's on but it's an ensemble cast featuring a smart couple in an inter-racial marriage (please tell me this is not groundbreaking), the ubiquitous straight-playing gay man who refers to his straight male friends as 'ladies,' and Jack Bauer's daughter from "24."

I felt the young Ms. Bauer, whose real name I'm sure I could find in 1.42 seconds but am too lazy to do so, was horribly miscast on "24".  But she plays kooky well and is much more believable on "Happy Endings".  There's no joke there.  Although there could be.

What made me laugh aloud in the episode I saw was the character Penny (possibly from Saturday Night Live?) who said she grew up poor but still managed to record her dreams in her Greetings Feline notebook.  Greetings Feline being the off-price Hello Kitty.  Now that is funny.  As someone who's pretty sure she owned a pair of Birkenstorks in college, it's extra funny.

Paging through one of my scholarly magazines the other day I came across something that was so blatantly stolen it made Greetings Feline look original.  I present:  Bobs.

Skechers Bobs

If you read their (full page) advertisement you'd think Skechers is doing a really humanitarian thing - they give a pair of shoes to charity for every pair of Bobs you buy.  J'ACCUSE, BOBS!  Where on earth did you get that clever idea?

Right, blatantly copied from TOMS

Now, in this day and age where Bounty PAPER TOWELS FOR THE LOVE have to document the approximate weight of red grapes their damp towel can withhold before tearing, how in the world is BOBS getting away with this nonsense?  

I tried to list a pair of "Gucci" sunglasses on E-Bay last year and was threatened with litigation within an hour of posting.  And yet BOBS?  

I swear I had a reason for that diatribe.  Oh yes, accept no substitutions.  With the exception of Splenda for white sugar in baking.

Dark Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

(Adapted from the March 1999 issue of Bon Appetit, because I've been making them that long.)

2 large ripe mashed bananas

1 large egg

1/2 cup (1 stick) melted butter

1/4 cup milk

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (I use whole wheat to feel better about myself although it's nutritionally negligible; use what you have.)

2/3 cup Splenda (or granulated sugar)

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup dark chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Spray a (12 muffin) muffin pan with cooking spray.  Mix bananas through milk together.  Add dry ingredients and stir until just mixed.  Incorporate chocolate chips.  

Divide batter evenly among muffin cups (will be about 3/4 full).  Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean, about 30-34 minutes.

Pre Baked

Post Baked

The boys started their spring soccer league this week and have come home from both practices asking for their "second dinner."  What the what?  This is not Taco Bell.  There is no "FOURTHMEAL(tm)" at this establishment.  These banana muffins + a yogurt have become the post soccer go-to for a quick but filling snack before bed.  

I imagine everyone, like myself, comes up with talking points for a chance meeting with Michelle Obama.  Right?  On top of my list is that FOURTHMEAL(tm).  I feel like she and I would joke about that zany-ness and it would segue into those Doritos Locos Tacos and we would just laugh and laugh.  Bad Idea Jeans, Taco Bell.  Both the First Lady and I are laughing at you.  

P.S.  As I was writing this post I was watching "30 Rock" which featured "The Woggles" instead of "The Wiggles."  As I thought the phrase the went until about two years ago, "I arrest my case."  And also, I rest my case.  Accept very few substitutes.